So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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