my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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