Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
