Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
