kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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