I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
