remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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