Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
