I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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