you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
