Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
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