hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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