We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
