I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
