God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
