remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
