Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
