and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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