The maid of honor just puked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
