its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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