I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
