Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
