why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Alive.
So much puke
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
