what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
