Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Still dying that you shit outside
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
