i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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