another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
