I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
