fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish you could order shots online.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
