so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
