I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
