Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
