took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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