hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
