My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
