I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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