apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
