it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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