well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
