i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
