i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
