I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Watching her eat just hurts me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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