Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
