seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
