The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
