I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
