Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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