His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
