carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
