I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
did i walk over a car last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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